The Always Popular Double Entendre Involving Aircraft Navigation Instruments

"The barometric type altimeter is subject to the following errors:

(B) Friction and vibration error -- Friction in the mechanism causes (1) irregular motion of the pointer while the pressure is changing uniformly, and (2) lost motion upon reversal of the direction of pressure change. These effects are eliminated almost entirely if the altimeter is lightly vibrated. Some vibration is essential to obtain satisfactory performance and for this reason no effort is made to provide an instrument panel installation completely free from vibration."
-- Aircraft Navigation Manual (US Navy, First Edition, Revised 1941)

GoodNight!

"When you say 'good night' to your date, she's going to try to tell you what a wonderful time she has had, and she will mean it -- if you've done your part. What you say at the door falls into the category of bowing from the waist and saying in husky tones, 'The pleasure was all mine.' Well, not actually! but that's the idea. Word it something like, 'I'm glad you did Betty. I enjoyed it too' (if that's indeed her name) or 'I had fun, too. Hope we can do it again some time.'"
-- Blueprint for Teen-Age Living (William C. Menninger, 1958)

Onanism: Friend or Foe?

"On the one hand, many boys have been told, falsely, that masturbation causes insanity, loss of virility, sterility, pimples, etc., etc. This is not true. Scaring boys with lies is not the thing to do! On the other hand, masturbation is a form of PERVERSION. It is a SIN! It does harm a boy -- or the man -- physically, over a period of twelve to twenty-four hours by dulling the mind, even causing often a partial blurring of sight, and acting as a partial anesthetic to the memory. Often a boy will experience absent-minded proclivities following masturbation."
-- The Missing Dimension in Sex (Herbert Armstrong et al, 1971)

"Masturbation does not cause pimples, acne, a sallow complexion or dark circles under the eyes. Masturbation will not stunt growth, cause sterility or insanity. People who are mentally ill sometimes practice masturbation, but this is not what brought on the illness.
-- Ann Landers Talks to Teenagers About Sex (1963)

Misogyny Never Goes Out of Style

"Even when a boy thinks he is old enough to go steady, he may find that he outgrows his girl. That cute little clinging vine he asked to go steady under a June moon may seem like an empty-headed doll in September. Nothing she says interests him anymore, and being together is no longer any fun for him. He feels trapped, and has an added problem -- how does he tell her the bad news?"
-- The Life Cycle Library for Young People (Parent and Child Institute, 1969)

Woe is Me

"The biggest reason against going steady is that the teen years are the best chance a boy will ever have to find out what makes girls tick. What and how much he learns about girls are more important than he realizes for his later, adult stage of knowing how to get along with women. Men who say, 'I'll never understand women' were often the boys who did not use their teen years learning how to get along with a lot of different girls."
-- The Life Cycle Library for Young People (Parent and Child Institute, 1969)

"Generally, though, sometime during the early teen years, a boy graduates from the all-girls-are-pests class. The idea one day hits him that he would like to walk that cute girl from class home. When he does, he takes the first step into the boy-girl social world. He discovers that being with girls and having them for friends can be fun. Sooner or later, he thinks about taking one certain girl to some particular event. But his first big question is how to ask a girl for a date. Wondering how to ask the first time can be a problem for a boy."
-- The Life Cycle Library for Young People (Parent and Child Institute, 1969)

"Sometime you may get a last-minute phone call from a girl who says she has a sudden 'headache.' In such a case, try not to show you are angry or hurt, because she may really be feeling ill. However, if the same thing happens again, you are probably getting a brush-off."
-- The Life Cycle Library for Young People (Parent and Child Institute, 1969)

Just Desserts

The child who is ugly in childhood, and is criticized or neglected because of a lack of physical beauty may become very handsome in adult life, but the stings and scars of early neglect may still be present. Such individuals often use their mature beauty to some cruel end, making victims of the opposite sex in a futile revenge for the wrongs endured in early childhood.
-- Voice of Experience (1932)

Ah, The Strained Metaphor

"Is it any wonder we have the trouble with sex we do? You've got to be careful how you put a cork in a bottle of highly charged liquid. Either the cork will blow out or the bottle will burst. The more you study a tough problem like sex, the more you become amazed that we human beings get along as well as we do, and the more you become convinced that the bunch of us are pretty remarkable little people. The whole race muddles through."
-- How To Live 365 Days a Year (John A. Schindler, M.D., 1954)

"Often steadies who continue to go together past the time when they should have called it quits get on each other's nerves. They're either at each other's throats or they quietly bore one another to death. Neither knows for sure what happened to the Great Love Affair of the Ages. Perhaps it died of natural causes. Instead of facing this simple fact and giving the romance a decent burial, the couple keeps going together only because it's easier than facing the ordeal of splitting up. These couples are not sweethearts. They are more like a pair of matched mules."
-- Ann Landers Talks to Teenagers About Sex (1963)

"God meant sex to be pleasurable, beautiful, filled with wonder and rich in reward. But it can be pleasurable, beautiful and rewarding only if it is used properly. You wouldn't take a diamond and platinum brooch to try to pry open a jar of pickles with it, would you? Using sex in the wrong way adds up to the same thing."
-- Ann Landers Talks to Teenagers About Sex (1963)

"You know that every game -- baseball, basketball, hockey, etc. -- has its rules. Without a few laws of conduct there would be nothing known as 'sports.' Without rules, sports become a wild free-for-all. So in pleasure there must be 'rules of the game.'"
        And when it comes to sex, God has laid down the rules. Under no circumstances does Scripture permit physical union of two people outside of the marriage bond."
-- Let's Look At Love (Joan Goetze, 1960)

Killing Me Softly

"When the break-up is one-sided, as it often is, somebody feels discarded. The individual who is performing the social surgery should, in the name of mercy, use an anesthetic when severing ties. The 'Flake off, Buddy Boy, you bore me' farewell is unforgivable. The girl who can't resist turning the handle after she has plunged the knife between his shoulder blades often pays a dear price for her moment of 'satisfaction.'"
-- Ann Landers Talks to Teenagers About Sex (1963)

"When the break-up comes, don't allow your temper or your hurt feelings to turn you into a hand-painted polecat. The highest tribute is to have it said of you -- 'We used to go together and I've never known a finer person. We always will be good friends.'"
-- Ann Landers Talks to Teenagers About Sex (1963)

"Terminating a close relationship in a civilized manner is a measure of maturity. Consideration for others (in addition to being a virtue in itself) is a prudent investment for your future peace of mind. We all know people whose lives are hopelessly cluttered with corpses of dead romances. They are haunted by bitter memories of love affairs with nightmare endings. The girl who is unable to enter a room without encountering half a dozen former heartthrobs to whom she is no longer speaking cannot help but regret her brashness. The boy whose farewells have been shoddy and cavalier earns for himself the reputation of a heel."
-- Ann Landers Talks to Teenagers About Sex (1963)

Hands Off!

"One answer to the question of sexual self-control can be found in the host of men and women who, for varying reasons, have lived a life of celibacy and have exhibited no neurotic tendencies.
        Another can be found in channeling your sexual energy. When periods of sexual tension and restlessness arise, the answer is not to succumb to it in bitter resignation and unhappiness, but rather to combat it with some constructive, energy-consuming activity. A long hike or bicycle ride, a rousing game of tennis, an afternoon of hard work (cleaning out that closet!) Or similar project will do much to relieve the pressure that arises at such times."
-- Let's Look At Love (Joan Goetze, 1960)

That Song About the Discovery Channel and Mammals

"Most teenagers, when they think of popularity, think in terms of the other sex. And they usually do quite a lot of thinking about it! This is natural and understandable. You've discovered Men (or Women) and you want to pursue the matter further."
-- Blueprint for Teen-Age Living (William C. Menninger, 1958)

"In most of these books much is said about the many possible bodily positions. I do not deem it necessary to comment on that here. All married people know the two most natural and commonly used positions. Sex can become a matter of lust, perversion, or plain self-gratification and concupiscence, even in marriage. Any such experimenting with abnormal positions and unnatural or perverted ways of performing coitus should be avoided."
-- The Missing Dimension in Sex (Herbert Armstrong et al, 1971)

"Let's explore the link between sex and liquor. The sex drive is one of the most powerful and persistent drives known to man. Through the centuries civilized man has learned to control his primitive urges. This is one of the basic differences between human beings and the lower animals. But when liquor gets into the act, the inhibitions melt away and animal instincts take over."
-- Ann Landers Talks to Teenagers About Sex (1963)

"The sex urges are present whether you are married or single, drunk or sober, deeply in love or just cruising around in search of a little excitement for the evening. The biological drive is concerned only with reproduction and is ever alert for the opportunity."
-- Ann Landers Talks to Teenagers About Sex (1963)

"One result of promiscuous sex is a blighted sex life. Sexual experience that is shallow and careless robs a person of the sensitivity of true love. Never can the depth and beauty of marriage be realized in its fullness by one who has frittered away his emotions in various sex adventures."
-- Let's Look At Love (Joan Goetze, 1960)

"At this point it is necessary to add that even Christian girls sometimes unknowingly contribute to this flood of temptation by the way in which they dress. Clothing that is too tight or revealing can cause a nightmare of sexual stimulation in the mind and heart of a young man. Select your clothing with care, young lady."
-- Let's Look At Love (Joan Goetze, 1960)

"While it is true that indulgence in petting brings unpleasant twinges of conscience and a feeling of regret afterwards, still the experience itself is exhilarating and exciting. So when Bill and Jane have a good time on a date and really enjoy each other's company it seems a fitting climax to end the date with a good-night kiss.
        But once Bill and Jane have become accustomed to parking during every date, they find that their dating activity revolves completely around the sensual pleasure that they anticipate during the petting session.
        To experience sexual union in a parked car, accompanied as it is by feelings of guilt and fear of discovery, is hardly the way to lay the groundwork for the pure and holy relationship of marriage."
-- Let's Look At Love (Joan Goetze, 1960)

Brown's Magnificent Purple Prose

"Bachelors are a vanishing but admirable group -- like the bison -- and is determined to help preserve their dwindling numbers."
-- Sex and the Single Girl (Helen Gurly Brown, 1962)

"Flirting is as healthy as orange juice and just as sweet."
-- Sex and the Single Girl (Helen Gurly Brown, 1962)

"A giant staple-remover couldn't get the two of you apart."
-- Sex and the Single Girl (Helen Gurly Brown, 1962)

"Man is not monogamous no matter how much religion and social writ tell him he is. You don't like your adorable Persian kitty dragging a maimed, half-alive pigeon into your living room but that's the nature of Persian kitties. Do you renounce all cats?"
-- Sex and the Single Girl (Helen Gurly Brown, 1962)

You Didn't Really Print That in a Book Did You?

"Much heartache and remorse would be avoided if every girl would post an imaginary sign over her body reading 'Hands off; and then strictly enforce it. No, this is not the popular thing to do. It probably will result in less dates. On the other hand, the rewards will be great."
-- Let's Look At Love (Joan Goetze, 1960)

"Let's take the true story of Bill Smith. Bill did not try to conquer his biological urges. He let them conquer him. A gifted musician, he could have risen to great successes if it hadn't been for his chief weakness: sex. When a teenager he got a 15-year-old girl 'in trouble.' At the age of 17 his hair was turning gray because of worry over his sexual adventures. Finally he left England and came to Canada. He wanted to change his way of living. But soon he found corrupt women in this new country who seemed to sense his weakness. Today all he lives for is the satisfaction of his lusts. He lives in fear that a certain woman friend my 'squeal' on him, which would mean years behind prison bars. Another woman shot herself when her husband made sure that she could not get to see her lustful lover, Bill.
        Whipped by an accusing conscience, Bill Smith would be the first person to tell you that giving in to sex is the surest way to wreck your present and your future."
-- Let's Look At Love (Joan Goetze, 1960)