Kevin Smith, Our Prophet
from I Gotta See About a Girl

From the film Chasing Amy

HOLDEN: The problem is shit like that. It was one thing when it was just girls - that was weird enough. But now you throw guys into the mix - two guys at once, no less. All that experience...What am I supposed to think?

JAY: You think good; because now she'll be all true blue and shit. The girl's tasted life, yo. Now she's settlin' for your boring, funny-book-makin' ass.

HOLDEN: Settling. That's comforting, Jay. Thanks.

* * *

BOB (to Holden): So there's me an Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you don't really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - menage a tois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I'm not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic.

JAY: Saint Shithead.

Silent Bob backhands him. Jay raises his fist as if to strike.

BOB: Do something.

BOB: (to Holden): So I get weirded out, and just start blasting her, right? This is the only way I can deal with it - by calling her a slut, and telling her that she was used - I mean, I'm out for blood I want to hurt her - because I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling. And I'm like "What the fuck is wrong with you?" and she's telling me that it was that time, in that place, and she didn't do anything wrong, so she's not gonna apologize.

So I tell her it's over, and I walk.

JAY: Fucking a.

BOB: No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level or never be enough for her or something.

And what I didn't get was that she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away...

Everyone's silent Silent Bob lights a cigarette.

BOB: So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy...

(takes a drag from his smoke)

So to speak.

"It seems like you know something, but you still know nothing. I tell you and it evaporates. I don't care -- how could I care? I tell you how many people I have slept with (thirty-two), or how my parents left this world, and what have I really given you? Nothing. I can tell you the names of my friends, their phone numbers --
Marny Requa: 415-431-2435
K.C. Fuller: 415-922-7893
Kirsten Steward: 415-614-1976
but what do you have? You have nothing. They all granted permission. Why is that? Because you have nothing, you have some phone numbers. It seems precious for one, two seconds. You have what I can afford to give. You are a panhandler, begging for anything, and I am the man walking briskly by, tossing a quarter or so into your paper cup."

-- from A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by David Eggers, hardcover edition