Far Too Real TV
from I Left My Heart In New York: Blind Dates

Television often portrays our plight incorrectly. Sitcoms are the worst, since most men are single for more than twenty-two-and-a-half minutes per week. There was a terrible show called The Single Guy that debuted in fall 1995 (I would like to point out that Single Guy Zine predated the show by a full eleven months). To be honest, I never watched it, but I understand it co-starred Ernest Borgnine, a fact far more insulting than any zinger I could create.

As the old adage goes, if you want something done right, do it yourself. So rather than sit around and wait for the networks to figure us out, I have developed a single guy television show called Low Tide. It's a soap opera about two guys, John and Jeff, who are both single, but for completely different reasons. Often the action takes place in their living room, but occasionally shifts to a local coffee shop, pool hall, or Laundromat -- since they don't yet own a washer or dryer. Here is some sample dialogue illustrating the crackling ennui the show provides:

Jeff: Did Jackie call today?
John: No. Jackie left you four years ago.
Jeff: I can't believe Jackie hasn't called.
John: Isn't my turn to complain about a woman now?
Jeff: [overdramatically]: Oh, I miss her like a terrible metaphor. When will this pain . . . end? When will the stitches on my broken heart finally dissolve and mend me? When will I overcome this torture and find a new love?
John: Hopefully before the next commercial break.