Gray Shelves
from Isn't it Ironic? Not Really
The other "important" advice book of the 1990s was Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It was written by Doctor John Gray, who apparently received a Ph.D. from the same university as Dr. Seuss. Despite his maddening, New Age, airy fairy theories, he has not one, but several best-selling books, including:
I'm sure part of my rage regarding Dr. Gray is because he landed upon the planet metaphor first. Except for something called The Cave, we see the world in very different ways. In Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, Gray discusses The Cave, a kind of temporary autonomous zone where men (who are in a relationship) withdraw to contemplate daunting problems such as "Why did my girlfriend/wife just spend fifteen dollars on a poorly written self-help book?" The Cave, however, is not the Very Lonely Planet. The Cave is a fancy (or not so fancy) word for "space." As we all know by now, men need their space. But if space is what you want, forget about The Cave. Space is the specialty of the Very Lonely Planet -- an entire sphere comprised of nothing but free parking.
There are few relevant insights for single men in Gray's first and most famous book, so I read Mars and Venus on a Date. I learned that men and women shouldn't feel bad about not dating someone if the chemistry is lacking: "Some people like mangoes and some don't. Whether you like mangoes has nothing to do with the intrinsic value of mangoes; it has to do with you. There is nothing wrong with you or with the mango if you don't like mangoes."
As much as I despise Dr. Gray, he inspires. After reading those three sublime sentences I decided to write this relationship (or lack thereof) book. Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus has sold over ten million copies, and has been translated into forty different languages. I will happily settle for one-tenth of his success.
Extra Rules
One of the most confusing things about The Rules is that it contains -- along with some benign and/or unintentionally humorous advice -- more than a few truly frightening passages that constantly underscore that women, from the womb onward, are interested in marriage. This is perplexing since I have yet to see such a sentiment expressed by the women I've met, although some have noted that I have ways of side-tracking that particular agenda, albeit unconsciously.
You said we'd split the bill, but you're 50 cents short. I'll cover the difference this time baby, cause when I'm on a date, I throw money and caution to the wind. Now let's grab some dessert. I have it on good authority that Tim Horton's tosses its day-old-doughnuts into their dumpster every night at 10 p.m. exactly. If we hurry, we can avoid most of the half-starved, crazed vagrants who usually congregate there.
