Even More Unusual Places to Find Love
From SGZ #7

I bet you thought I'd unearthed all possible gems last issue. Nope. I managed to find a few more. Here they are now, hope they entertain you.

Alien Love
While I haven't heard the bloodcurdling sentence -- "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth" -- yet, the logical extension of this thought/sentiment would be "Is there life on other planets, and if so, would an alien date me?" Captain's Log, Stardate 2406.1995.18. Went to England and made some more crop circles. Wrote twelve scripts for upcoming X-Files season. Admonished Alf for selling-out. Picked up earth creature for possible relationship. He seemed nice, but we had little in common, and ultimately, we just weren't compatible.

Prison Penpal Love
I can already see your brow furrowing as you read the title, but hear me out. I think we need to broaden our horizons, and I think that everyone deserves a second chance. Besides, it's nice to know that if I do something klutzy on a date--like locking my keys in the car -- my girlfriend will be able to break in, or better yet, steal us a better car.

Muskrat Love
Only if you're really desperate would I endorse frequenting a bog or a marsh. However, under no circumstances should you stoop so low as to pretend to like this song to impress a girl.