In Love With Shakespeare
From SGZ #6
This is a cautionary tale about two friends I'll call Steve and Annie. Technology Theatre is a play told in three acts, a chilling tale of two would be lovers. A work so epic in scope that Shakespeare himself would enjoy it -- or at least get incensed over the blatant plagiarism -- and an eventuality that Marshall McLuhan and Nostradamus predicted long ago and Wired did a cover story on last month.
Prologue: Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
Act One: They Meet
Path: alt.personals.ads
To: All From: Annie Lorinel
My New Year's resolution is to meet someone intelligent, warm and caring. And the Internet is the best way to do it, because here, looks don't matter, personality does. Here's my ad: Attractive female, 22, seeks tall male for stimulating conversations, walks on the World Wide Web and more?
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Today's quote: "I wanna be adored."
Path: alt.personals.ads
To: Annie Lorinel From: Steve J. Bauser
Well, I'm tallish (5'11") and I think I can converse with the best of them. Why don't we go for e-coffee?
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Today's quote: "I'm not attractive today. I'm not a sight for sore eyes. I'm not an Adam or Eve. I'm just a nervous young thing."
Act Two: The Chase
Wow, we seem to have so much in common. I'm glad we went for coffee. Let's meet again, shall we?
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Today's quote: "A cup of coffee, a sandwich
and you."
Path: alt.flirt
Your eyes glow like cathode ray tubes and your voice is as soft and sweet as an analog synthesizer.
I hope to see more of you soon. ;-)
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Today's
quote: "Take a chance on me."
Path: alt.wink.wink.nudge.nudge
In science I learned that gravity is the force that makes the planets revolve around the sun. I think there must have been an anomaly yesterday, as you made the earth move for me.
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Today's quote: "You bring me
closer to God."
Path: alt.morning.after
Wow, I agree. I've never had that much fun. That opened new "Windows" for me. I assume that was as you like it.
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Act Three: Game Over
Path: alt.dumpsville
Windows? I had a fling with an IBM user? I should have known. Yeach! I hate IBM's with a passion. The only thing I have in common with IBM's is that we both accept 5 1/4" floppies. I feel so unclean. Yet here's a spot. Out damned spot! Out I say! I'm afraid like the Capulets and the Montagues, we're just not compatible. This tragedy could have been avoided. (Poison optional)
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Today's Quote: "Drop your disappointment, like
you'd drop a grand piano."
Path: alt.grovel
Please come back. Don't relegate me to your trash can. I can change. It's not too late to say 'undo.' You're still the Apple of my eye.
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Here are some long stemmed roses, for you. :-)
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Today's Quote: "What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way. What a
wicked thing to do. To let me dream of you."
Path: alt.clever.reference
I love e-mail. Almost as much as sandwiches. But not as much as question tennis.
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Path: alt.dizzing.spiral.of.mental.decay
So I'll assume from [hic!] your lack of reply that it's really over. Well, don't think that I haven't gotten on with my life. I've [hic!] spent the last four days listening to Hatful of Hollow and talking with my good buddy Ron Bacardi. He agrees with me when I say that I've been mistreated by you. [hic!] He said love is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. I've considered suicide, but I'd rather stay alive and torture you with guilt. [Hic!] To be, or not to be - that is the question- Whether 'its nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? -To die, to sleep.- So I'll just sit here, alone [hic!] and try not to be bitter. But I think you deserve to know that I faked all my orgasms.
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Today's quote: "They went down to the river,
on a warm summer night. And the air was thick with the smell of
temptation . . ."
Epilogue: For never was a story of more woe,
Path: alt.cybercoffee.discussion
To: Steve From: Ann
To: Annie "Snuggle Bunny" Lorinel
From: Steve "Papa Bear" Bauser
To: Steve "Casanova" Bauser
From: Ann "Vixen" Lorinel
Subject: Sweet dreams (Are made of this)
To: Ann "Honey Pie" Lorinel
From: Steve "Lover boy" Bauser
Subject: About last night. . .
Date: January 28th
To: Mr. Steven J. Bauser
From: Ms. Annie Lorinel
Subject: Alas poor Yorick!
Date: February 1st
To: Ann Darling
From: Steven
Subject: Much Ado About Nothing
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To: Rosencrantz From: Guildenstern
Date: Feb 14th
To: Annie
From: Stevie
Subject: Me thinks the woman doth expect too much.
Than this, Juliet and her digital Romeo.
